Alright so a small update on how my surrofamily is doing.. They are all doing wonderfully, C is growing and learning and figuring out that the world is a pretty big place, she LOVES Elmo and his friends. I cannot believe that she will be 2 in a few months. My guys are just thrilled with her everyday, of course they love E and C too. It is different when your first child has their firsts, it is kinda like your firsts well in a parents sense. So the twins E&C are just amazing, they are getting big figuring out that they are playmates for each other and are having a blast with playing, pulling on each other. They are hitting their mile stones as they could with very little if an delay so that is awesome! I am happy that the guys still stay in touch, still send updates. We don't really talk but I have learned to accept that it is what it is. They have awesome hearts to still keep me in the loop somewhat. I am of the type that beggars cannot be choosers. So as my twins kindergarten teacher says "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" I know they think of me, love that I was able to help them so I am at peace with it. I would LOVE to go out there and visit again, I got to visit them in July and it was just awesome, I got to take care of babies, smell that new baby smell, play with C.. It was heaven really. They have asked me when I can come out again and though I would love for it to be soon I know that is not in the cards, the girls, my girls, have school and activities so it would be hard for me to be able to take that time out and travel. The fact that they even asked is just beyond amazing. So my surro family is doing great!

JUST MAYBE

So it may just may happen again but I'm not sure of when.mive been speaking with a really nice IM for the past few months and we may be heading towards a journey together....more on that later

It's been a long time

So it's been a long time since I have updated, where to begin?
The beginning I guess. So the twins are doing amazingly, they are a little over 5 months and are growing and keeping their dads busy. I did get to visit them in July and though it was fun it was tiring. I think the guys thought I wanted it to be a baby weekend cause I spent a ton of ti e holding/changing/feeding it was so great but dang did I forget how busy twins keep you. They are si ply divine and their older sister well she IS the queen of the house (as she should be) I was and amazed that, that beautiful little creature grew inside my tummy. She is one of the most amazing children, beside my own of course. She is smart and sooooooo energetic! I was sad to leave but happy too, satisfied,content, blessed. I was so happy to know that those 3 precious girls have a dads, a nanny (who loves them like her own!) and family that not only love them, but cherish them. They are very lucky and blessed little girls! I can only pray that I am able and allowed to be o. The sidelines to witness the remarkable women they are surely to become.

You owe me a coke....

Well I jinxed it, my last post was on April 26th and I gave birth on the 28th... The babies were only 31.4 weeks. They did and are doing AWESOME though. I am not writing a birth story for several reasons but the main reason is that I don't have one really, yes they were born but the story is pretty much I woke up bleeding, went to the hospital, and an hr later they were born. Not really a lot to embellish or elaborate on. The girls are freaking rock starts though, I could go on and on about that,
Elle(A) was born crying and screaming and NEVER needed any help breathing, not once, Charlie (B) needed help with oxygen for the first 4 hrs. and then she was on a CPAP pushing room air for another 3 days but then after that she needed NOTHING, can we say AMAZING?!! Never mind the fact that they were off ALL IV's and tubes after one week. The guys flew them home about 2 weeks after they were born and they just went home on Monday this week. They are gaining weight and growing. I am so proud of those 2, where my body failed them they picked up the slack. They are beautiful girls and their older sister does not really understand who these visitors are just yet, but she's doing great as well. They guys are holding up well, but they have loads of help from the night nurse to 2 nannies and ALL the family they have their doing great, it will hit them fully in about 4 months when the night nurse is gone, lol. It won;t be easy at all, given they have a 14 month old and 2 almost 1.5 month olds under the same roof to care for.

So things are good, I pumped for a about a month and lost over 20lbs! I have since stopped, kinda wish I didn't but it was a hassle especially since the twins were home and the milk was no longer for them. I loved the benefits of pumping, I wish it could be that easy after to lose weight.

I probably won't be blogging at all or very little in the future, I am not sure what my future holds when it comes to surrogacy but most likely this was my last journey.

Don't want to jinx

So dare I write this post???
I have been feeling GREAT!! I have had LOTS of help this past week it has been awesome. I truly have the best little sister there is, she stayed all week long, skyped some of her classes, drove an hr both ways to her college to turn in paperwork, homework and take tests. She never complained once, helped clean, did some grocery shopping and made sure I was alright and that I did not do much of anything. It is such a relief to know that I have her to help, that the girls LOVE their auntie Reiko, they listen to her, have fun with her and look forward to her being here. I am at ease in my home ( which I know I would not have been if I had a stranger here.) It still sucks that I am in bed all day, but at least I have her to talk to, joke with. Physically I have been felling better as well. I do not have acid reflux really at all, I am not coughing all the time, my allergies are not going totally crazy. I hate to say things are going so well because I don;t want to jinx myself. Yes it is harder to move around, hard to sleep and stay asleep but if those are the only things to complain about I'll take it.

I have an appointment tomorrow and am hoping and praying it goes well. I do not want my cervix to change at all, I want it to get longer so that way I can have the security of knowing that I will bake these babies a bit longer. I am going to be 32 weeks on Saturday so that is a HUGE milestone and then the next one will be 36 weeks! I am so grateful that I have proven the stats wrong so far. This all started at 25 weeks and my OB was just so sure that I would have either delivered by now or that I would be in the hospital on bed rest. I am moving right along as well as are these 2 beauties and that is all I can ask for!

So Easter! Easter was a pretty decent day, did not do much beside sit at my moms and eat. My girls had a great day, they all looked great and loved their baskets. I worked on them for a little while but it was worth it! I hope you all had a great Easter as well!

Bed rest..................

Need I say more??

So I decided after my appointment on Thursday last week that I would be on as strict a bed rest as I could be on. With the threat of hospital bed rest looming I want to tak a pro active stance. So my little sister is going to be helping me and had been great!! She will be her full time, taking the girls to school and picking them up. doing things around the house. She is truly a life saver. After I heard my OB tell me about the hospital bed rest I was in panic mode because I could not figure out who was going to come help or how it was going to work. My hubbys mother who usually helps out with the girls when needed is and has been busy with watching my husbands granddaughter. As annoying as it is that I do not have her as help at all I guess I know it is what is best for my hubbys daughter. Why don't I call her my step daughter or her child my grand daughter? That is a whole other post and just a personal decision. But I will say that it did upset me a little that I could not count on my MIL at all.

So back to the bed rest, it is NOT by any means relaxing, maybe the first day or so is nice but it gets old QUICK! Your body gets tired of sitting in one position, you get sore, your back hurts, your hips hurt, your neck hurts. It is for the best but it is not easy, never mind the fact that I have 4 girls that want and need my attention. It is dance season for my middle child and I will miss her first 2 recitals, upsetting, then my oldest track season has started and I know I will miss at least 4 meets, plus ALL of her track meets for her school. This is her first yr. participating in school track so I know it will mean a lot and there is nothing I can do about it. It sucks to know that my family will still be going out and doing things but without me, I want them to enjoy and have fun as a family but I'd like to go. I was sooo looking forward to taking my 2 oldest girls to see that new Disney movie African cats but won't be able to. Easter is coming quickly and I will not be able to join my family at Easter service. I am going to try and focus on the positive things about this bed rest, I can focus and pick out all the negative I want to but in reality it will just cloud my days that are already going to drag on forever so whats the point?? These 2 girls WILL be healthy and WILL not be born before 34 weeks!

Thursday blues...

So it has been a little while since I updated, why? Well because I have had some complications with my cervix and have not felt like being on the computer much let alone actually put into words how I am feeling. So it started on Tuesday this week I went in for my regular OB appointment. I figured all would be just fine give last Thursday my appointment went great. Well it was not the case. Everything is fine with me EXCEPT my stupid cervix. So back to Tuesday, my cervix measured between 1.63 & 1.80 which was down from a strong 2.5 on Thursday last week. I was crushed, I have been resting and hardly doing much. My Dr. has not put me on any kind of strict guidelines or even really said bed rest, just told me to try to stay off my feet and each appointment because things were good was " Keep doing what your doing" just crushing. So I have been in the bed as much as I can. I don't do much around the house, my hubby and oldest have picked up the slack. I had help twice and she was great, it was nice to not have to think about certain things.

Today, I went in not feeling to hot to begin with, I have been feeling more and more pressure "down there" and did not have a great feeling about today's check. Well it was not great to say the least. The babies look great and are oblivious to what is going on..lol My cervix was between 1.3 & 1.6. Dr. B says he is calling it the same with slight change but to me it changed and not for the best. He had already told me on Tuesday this week that his gut is that I will be in the hospital on bed rest soon. So this measurement is just me inching closer and closer to the Antepartum unit. I just feel horrible, like my body is failing me and these babies. It is just so scary to think that they might come so soon. Never mind that fact that I will be away from my family for goodness know how many weeks. Just sucky feeling this way. I was chosen to do this to help, not to hinder and if these 2 are born anytime soon they will have NICU time and GOD how I do not want that for them. I can remember how AWFUL and helpless I felt when my twins were born and they had to spend time in the NICU with tubes and monitors. They were not there long and were born at 34.6 weeks so they just had to gain weight and keep their O2 stats up. These 2 will have more issues if they come anytime soon. I guess only time will tell with me body.

But on a happy note here is a 29 week belly picture!

Names!!!

Sooo We have known that one of these 2 girls will be names Elizabeth but the other name had not yet been decided upon for a WHILE, and honestly if it were not for the PBO ( pre-birth order) I doubt they would be in agreement either. But anyway they have now decided on baby B's name!

A is Elizabeth


B is Charlotte



I LOVE their names!! But better yet I love being able to call them by their names.
Elizabeth is more active than her sister, usually she will get moving first and then Charlotte wakes up. It is alway funny how twins interact with each other in the womb. There is usually one way more active than the other

Simply speechless

So I was talking with my guys this past week and M kept asking me if I got a specific email and i told him no, he told me a few times to check again and make sure to check the trash and spam folders. SO I did and it was still a no, he sounded a little panicky but I did not think about it. Well The very next morning I woke up to one of the nicest most thoughtful things anyone had every done for me. It was a GC for me to get a new laptop!!!!!!!!! What? Are you serious?

The guys felt bad that I have been stuck in bed for most of the day and they knew my laptop had broke in January and have yet to find a replacement. They know it takes me a while to do research and make sure things are a right choice. I cried like a baby, who does that? I mean yes there are people that receive gifts like that but I am not one of them, never have been till now. I have never received anything so nice in my life, it still makes me tear up thinking about their huge act of generosity.

So I am now on the hunt for a good laptop. I have a few in mind but have not chosen yet! It has been fun but daunting at the same time. How did I ever get so lucky to be blessed with these 2 wonderful men, I will never know.

Bumpy road

Well I have not been able to escape this pregnancy with no issues. I guess having 4 other pregnancies with zero to very minimal issues my luck has sort of run it's course. So last week on Tuesday I went to my OB appointment as a request of the guys for a reassurance that things were OK before I flew out for C's birthday. My appointment started out great, I had been feeling fine no real issues just feeling more pregnant and tired. Dr. B started out with my regular growth scan and things were fine, baby A ( E) was breech and weighted 1.89 lbs and was doing great, B ( C) was transverse and weighed 1.80 lbs and these weights are GREAT for singletons never mind twins. So I was very relieved, especially since I have been either maintaining my weight or losing a few lbs. I can’t seen to get about 198. I started a little overweight at 188. My OB does not seem concerned at all so I know I’m fine, it is just one of those things I think about with twins.
So after that u/s we moved on to my cervix which I expected to be just fine, WELL it was not as soon as I could see my cervix on the screen I said “ OH NO!” it was noticeably shorter than it was last time. It measured 1.81 at it’s shortest and it has been between 3.5 and 4.0 which is normal. As soon as he was done Dr. B told me that he did not want me flying out anywhere he wanted to be able to get to me if God forbid something went wrong plus he asked me “ What if something DID go wrong all the way across the country? Would you be OK with being away from your family for 10+ weeks?” Of course not. So of course I did not go, I had to call the guys with the not so good news. They did not freak out which was good but they knew I was concerned, they could hear it in my voice. I told them that I had to go back that Friday to have my cervix checked and to have an FFN test ( Fetal Fibronectin) done. This test is a lot to explain so I will just add a link http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/pretermlabor_fetalfibronectin.html
On to Friday, after worrying about what was going to happen and if my cervix would hold up, I had rested a lot of the next few days. So Friday’s cervix check was good, not great but good it was the same which I will take over it getting shorter. I had the test and had to go home and wait for the results. After calling the guys with the decent news Dr. B called me and told me it came back positive, he did not expect it to but it did all the same. He told me to come back Tuesday for a repeat cervix check. So here we are Tuesday and things are fine. My cervix measured a bit longer!! I was very happy about that, not so happy about the weekly appointments from now on but it is what it is. I am supposed to be calling an agency to get some help around the house with the girls so that is on my agenda for tomorrow. I am hoping that things continue to be the same or better with my cervix, I cannot even think about what would have to happen with my family if I am forced to go on hospital bed rest.

Happy Birthday! March 17th

So yesterday was my Surro daughters 1st birthday!, I cannot believe it has been a year already. I sit here feeling her sisters move and wiggle and think that a yr. ago I was in the hospital in labor, concentrating through every contraction, focusing on getting her here to see her anxiously awaiting daddies. It was such a nerve wracking day because we ( her daddies and I ) had decided to do a section instead of a natural birth and as I was getting checked in and hooked up to the monitors I could feel contractions, I looked over her her fathers and said well guys what if we decided to go natural anyway? They both looked at me and said huh? I told them I was contracting and maybe she had decided that today would be the day on her own and we should give her a chance to be born her way. So as great as they are they agreed to allow me to labor and we were off to the races and at 8:09 pm she came into this world! St. Patty's day no less! I wish I could have been there to celebrate with her and sing happy birthday to her for the first time, but it was not in the cards, I will write about that later. She is a joy and a wonderful baby ad has been since she was born. She makes her daddies smile at every turn and it warms my heart that I am a part of that joy in a tiny way. Days like today make me so proud and happy to be a surrogate!

Getting there

So I am 24 weeks pregnant and today I am feeling it, I guess. I went to be last night around the same time I usually do but still woke up like I had on had a few hrs. of sleep. I am SOOO tired, I mean fall asleep while driving, or eating or just about anything tired. I have a huge mound of laundry that needs to be done and I cannot get myself to take the load out of the dryer so I can continue. I am surprised that I am updating today given I'm so tired but I figure maybe if I stay busy I can stay awake.

So things are going great, no real complaints or issues. It is finally March and a year ago I was getting ready to give birth. I cannot believe that my surro daughter is almost 1 yr. It is crazy to see pictures and remember that she is here because I helped. It warms my heart to hear my guys gush about her and all her wonderfulness. I love to show my hubby and kids her pictures. I am supposed to be going out to see her on her b-day and spend some time with my guys. I will be 26 weeks by then, they ( my guys) are always so shocked to see how big I am. They just keep remembering how big I was with C and they KNOW that there are 2 in there..LOL I am looking forward to seeing them all again!

So I found out that I have to talk the the anesthesiologist about wanting to be knocked out for the delivery. But I have confirmed that the guys won't be able to be in there if I do decided to be knocked out. They have already said they are OK with that, but we shall see the closer we get if they really are alright with not being in the delivery room. C's delivery was so special and just awesome I am thinking they will be a little let down to not see these 2 the second they are born, but I may be wrong. I hope I am wrong because I don't want them to feel left out or not part of this process after all they are the only reason we are going through this journey.

YAY!!!

So things have been going great, not a whole lot to report which is ALWAYS good, but even better when you're pregnant with multiples. So I am now 21 weeks!! So I am very excited that things have been going so well. I am praying that things continue to go well.



So I have been feeling LOTS of movement recently which is such a great feeling. I know that they are OK and thriving when I can feel them move, right now they feel like a child tapping on you to get your attention. Later on they will feel more like cartwheels and somersaults, and then in the end most likely it will feel like they are trying to break out.LOL I have noticed this past week that I have to slow down and am not able to do as many things during the day. I also have a hard time getting around.LOL I know I am all belly but that's OK with me. I just hope they decided to lay transverse vs. head down, why? because then my belly will grow width wise vs. out. Only time will tell on that though.

I talked to the guys this week and am SOOOO excited to say that I have been invited to Caroline's first birthday! St. Patty's day is her birthday and I can't wait! I am so blessed to have these guys in my life. I still have to find a gift for her, not sure what to get yet. I have been looking and thinking about it a lot though.

overdue update

Yes it has been a while since my last update. I cannot lie and say things have been super busy as they haven't. I have just not really felt like updating LOL. It is hard for me to get my feelings out, whether that is talking or writing.

I feel fine, I feel pregnant finally! I am getting a lot rounder and have noticed my belly is starting to get in the way. It's funny because I will be in the back of my car buckling in my twins and then try to quickly get out of the car but the bottom of my belly no longer allows my legs the flexibility they once had. I have started to talk to the babies, they are most active at night just like their sister was. I will gently rub my growing belly, thinking of the time I get to introduce them to their sister. I can say I am more attached to this pregnancy than last, because I was not sure how to feel, how not to feel. It is a fine line surrogate walk with our feelings. On one hand we cannot forget that we are carrying precious cargo not for ourselves but for the families we are helping, yet we (most) love the cargo that is inside. Not that we want to keep the babies, but how can you not have love for the baby or babies you are carrying that you yourself put so much effort into helping create? You watch what you eat, you make sure you get enough water, you slow down and ask your family to pick up your slack. This is all in the name of bringing a baby to its parents, family, grandparents, sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles & aunts. There are so many people that go through this journey called surrogacy. I LOVE what I have been able to help do. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE watching Caroline grow, seeing her smile with all 6 teeth she has, love hearing about her favorite activities, hearing about her development knowing she is such a happy calm soul. I cherish it almost like I have cherished all those same moments of my own children.

On to the genders...................................................................................................................................................................

BOTH GIRLS!!!!

Yes that is right 2 more girls. The guys were happy, yes of course I knew there was a twinge of sadness because they will never have a son, but for them to know that their daughters are healthy and perfect in every way is all that truly matters. They only had one other girl name that they are both in agreement in, so they are currently working on another one, as soon as I know what it is I will write about it. I don't like referring to the babies, as " the babies" I loved knowing Caroline's name from very early on.

I have been growing and eating, my appetite has finally arrived which is great. I am always wondering if I get enough water and protein. Some OB's say to gain 20 lbs by 20 weeks. I think that is a LOAD OF CRAP. I will focus on the more important task of getting enough protein, veggies and water.

Well till next time.