Waiting..........

I like anyone else do not like to wait, I hate waiting to hear any sort of news weather I expect good or bad news. I've been waiting for almost 2 weeks to hear about my approval, or not and it just plain sucks. The fact that they take that long is just crazy, I know this is part of the process but it sucks all the same. ?

What am I waiting for you ask?? I am waiting for the RE to either approve me or not to be a surro again. I have a wonderful lady that I have known for going on 2 yrs. I met her through a women that I was going to be a surrogate for when back in 2008, things did not work out with us but we kept in touch, still do. Anyway she introduced us and we talked but she was not sure on whether or she wanted to move forward at that time, plus my FIF's wanted to do a sibling journey. We kept in touch the whole time and she was a great support through out the pregnancy. We got to know each other and then one day she asked me, I was thrilled but at the same time scared, like I am now, that I would not be approved for another pregnancy. I am an honest person and don't sugar coat things, I have been pregnant 5 times, twice was with twins and the last set was born at 31.4 weeks. Nothing was wrong, no pre-e or preterm labor, no infections the babies just decided it was time, too early. They were rock stars and did amazingly well, I wrote about it here. BUT I still worry and sort of doubt myself. Should I? I WANT to help her sooo badly, I WANT her to have another baby, want her son to be a big brother but ultimately is if it is safe for me, for her embie/ies for me to be the one to be her surrogate. I've thought about it a lot and I feel that my body is capable, a good choice but I will leave it in the Dr's hands. MY OB says that he approves and there is no reason why I can't so his confidence helps ease my mind but its not in his hands. So I wait, wait to hear what this summer will hold for me, will it be cycling or finding this wonderful woman another surrogate?

Alright so a small update on how my surrofamily is doing.. They are all doing wonderfully, C is growing and learning and figuring out that the world is a pretty big place, she LOVES Elmo and his friends. I cannot believe that she will be 2 in a few months. My guys are just thrilled with her everyday, of course they love E and C too. It is different when your first child has their firsts, it is kinda like your firsts well in a parents sense. So the twins E&C are just amazing, they are getting big figuring out that they are playmates for each other and are having a blast with playing, pulling on each other. They are hitting their mile stones as they could with very little if an delay so that is awesome! I am happy that the guys still stay in touch, still send updates. We don't really talk but I have learned to accept that it is what it is. They have awesome hearts to still keep me in the loop somewhat. I am of the type that beggars cannot be choosers. So as my twins kindergarten teacher says "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" I know they think of me, love that I was able to help them so I am at peace with it. I would LOVE to go out there and visit again, I got to visit them in July and it was just awesome, I got to take care of babies, smell that new baby smell, play with C.. It was heaven really. They have asked me when I can come out again and though I would love for it to be soon I know that is not in the cards, the girls, my girls, have school and activities so it would be hard for me to be able to take that time out and travel. The fact that they even asked is just beyond amazing. So my surro family is doing great!

JUST MAYBE

So it may just may happen again but I'm not sure of when.mive been speaking with a really nice IM for the past few months and we may be heading towards a journey together....more on that later

It's been a long time

So it's been a long time since I have updated, where to begin?
The beginning I guess. So the twins are doing amazingly, they are a little over 5 months and are growing and keeping their dads busy. I did get to visit them in July and though it was fun it was tiring. I think the guys thought I wanted it to be a baby weekend cause I spent a ton of ti e holding/changing/feeding it was so great but dang did I forget how busy twins keep you. They are si ply divine and their older sister well she IS the queen of the house (as she should be) I was and amazed that, that beautiful little creature grew inside my tummy. She is one of the most amazing children, beside my own of course. She is smart and sooooooo energetic! I was sad to leave but happy too, satisfied,content, blessed. I was so happy to know that those 3 precious girls have a dads, a nanny (who loves them like her own!) and family that not only love them, but cherish them. They are very lucky and blessed little girls! I can only pray that I am able and allowed to be o. The sidelines to witness the remarkable women they are surely to become.

So I wanted to get this out as hard as it is. My guys have been pretty distant after my trip to visit things have done a 180. They hardly ever txt, never call and emails with updates are scarce. I know they are extremely busy with the girls and work and their everyday lives but a simple text or CCing me on an email is not that hard or time costuming. I am not looking to talk for hrs. Or discuss intamite life details, just a simple how are you? How is your family would be nice, or a "the girls are great" "here is a picture" but I cannot control or ask for more. I have to accept things, this is their family, their life. I was an I instrument in helping to create and expand it but nothing more, no matter how much I thought we grew close as friends. It's a hard pill to swallow but it is a pill that I knew I may have had to swallow when I became a surrogate. I am sure the guys will update but I know that the updates will get further and further apart. I will still do what I have in mynheart to do, send cards, birthday gifts random little things. It is hard at times seeing or buying a gift for them that I will never see them in or using but in the end IMO it show the guys that they are all in my thoughts all the time.

You owe me a coke....

Well I jinxed it, my last post was on April 26th and I gave birth on the 28th... The babies were only 31.4 weeks. They did and are doing AWESOME though. I am not writing a birth story for several reasons but the main reason is that I don't have one really, yes they were born but the story is pretty much I woke up bleeding, went to the hospital, and an hr later they were born. Not really a lot to embellish or elaborate on. The girls are freaking rock starts though, I could go on and on about that,
Elle(A) was born crying and screaming and NEVER needed any help breathing, not once, Charlie (B) needed help with oxygen for the first 4 hrs. and then she was on a CPAP pushing room air for another 3 days but then after that she needed NOTHING, can we say AMAZING?!! Never mind the fact that they were off ALL IV's and tubes after one week. The guys flew them home about 2 weeks after they were born and they just went home on Monday this week. They are gaining weight and growing. I am so proud of those 2, where my body failed them they picked up the slack. They are beautiful girls and their older sister does not really understand who these visitors are just yet, but she's doing great as well. They guys are holding up well, but they have loads of help from the night nurse to 2 nannies and ALL the family they have their doing great, it will hit them fully in about 4 months when the night nurse is gone, lol. It won;t be easy at all, given they have a 14 month old and 2 almost 1.5 month olds under the same roof to care for.

So things are good, I pumped for a about a month and lost over 20lbs! I have since stopped, kinda wish I didn't but it was a hassle especially since the twins were home and the milk was no longer for them. I loved the benefits of pumping, I wish it could be that easy after to lose weight.

I probably won't be blogging at all or very little in the future, I am not sure what my future holds when it comes to surrogacy but most likely this was my last journey.

Don't want to jinx

So dare I write this post???
I have been feeling GREAT!! I have had LOTS of help this past week it has been awesome. I truly have the best little sister there is, she stayed all week long, skyped some of her classes, drove an hr both ways to her college to turn in paperwork, homework and take tests. She never complained once, helped clean, did some grocery shopping and made sure I was alright and that I did not do much of anything. It is such a relief to know that I have her to help, that the girls LOVE their auntie Reiko, they listen to her, have fun with her and look forward to her being here. I am at ease in my home ( which I know I would not have been if I had a stranger here.) It still sucks that I am in bed all day, but at least I have her to talk to, joke with. Physically I have been felling better as well. I do not have acid reflux really at all, I am not coughing all the time, my allergies are not going totally crazy. I hate to say things are going so well because I don;t want to jinx myself. Yes it is harder to move around, hard to sleep and stay asleep but if those are the only things to complain about I'll take it.

I have an appointment tomorrow and am hoping and praying it goes well. I do not want my cervix to change at all, I want it to get longer so that way I can have the security of knowing that I will bake these babies a bit longer. I am going to be 32 weeks on Saturday so that is a HUGE milestone and then the next one will be 36 weeks! I am so grateful that I have proven the stats wrong so far. This all started at 25 weeks and my OB was just so sure that I would have either delivered by now or that I would be in the hospital on bed rest. I am moving right along as well as are these 2 beauties and that is all I can ask for!

So Easter! Easter was a pretty decent day, did not do much beside sit at my moms and eat. My girls had a great day, they all looked great and loved their baskets. I worked on them for a little while but it was worth it! I hope you all had a great Easter as well!

Bed rest..................

Need I say more??

So I decided after my appointment on Thursday last week that I would be on as strict a bed rest as I could be on. With the threat of hospital bed rest looming I want to tak a pro active stance. So my little sister is going to be helping me and had been great!! She will be her full time, taking the girls to school and picking them up. doing things around the house. She is truly a life saver. After I heard my OB tell me about the hospital bed rest I was in panic mode because I could not figure out who was going to come help or how it was going to work. My hubbys mother who usually helps out with the girls when needed is and has been busy with watching my husbands granddaughter. As annoying as it is that I do not have her as help at all I guess I know it is what is best for my hubbys daughter. Why don't I call her my step daughter or her child my grand daughter? That is a whole other post and just a personal decision. But I will say that it did upset me a little that I could not count on my MIL at all.

So back to the bed rest, it is NOT by any means relaxing, maybe the first day or so is nice but it gets old QUICK! Your body gets tired of sitting in one position, you get sore, your back hurts, your hips hurt, your neck hurts. It is for the best but it is not easy, never mind the fact that I have 4 girls that want and need my attention. It is dance season for my middle child and I will miss her first 2 recitals, upsetting, then my oldest track season has started and I know I will miss at least 4 meets, plus ALL of her track meets for her school. This is her first yr. participating in school track so I know it will mean a lot and there is nothing I can do about it. It sucks to know that my family will still be going out and doing things but without me, I want them to enjoy and have fun as a family but I'd like to go. I was sooo looking forward to taking my 2 oldest girls to see that new Disney movie African cats but won't be able to. Easter is coming quickly and I will not be able to join my family at Easter service. I am going to try and focus on the positive things about this bed rest, I can focus and pick out all the negative I want to but in reality it will just cloud my days that are already going to drag on forever so whats the point?? These 2 girls WILL be healthy and WILL not be born before 34 weeks!