Saturday, August 15, 2009

I will ALWAYS remember

Today is a VERY hard and sad day for my FIM M.. Today was her due sate for her precious D.I.J, who was born sleeping on March 24, 2009. I remember back in November of 2008 when She was just so sure her ED cycle would not work and that we could transfer when my body had healed from me LEEP. I was over the moon ecstatic when in December her first beta came back and she was preggo.. I was so excited for her it was crazy. It was amazing to me that I was so happy for this women who I had only known for 2 1/2 months. This women who I had become so close to in such a short time ws going to experience her ultimate dream of being a mom, not through someone else but SHE herself was pregnant, she herself could feel her baby move inside her, she did not need to rely on anyone else to tell her what it was like. She had some scares along the way and of course she was worried. But then when she had finally put her guard down, devastation. David had passed away in utero. His cord was double the length and restricted his blood flow/nutrients/oxygen. I remember the devastating text I had received from her it was short and to the point. All I could do was cry for her, literally that is what I did, I cried like a baby. I could not believe my eyes. All I could think about was how was she going to handle this?? How do you come back from something like this? What could I do? I thought about flying to NY when she got home to take care of her, I knew she would not want me to, but I still thought about it. I had just matched again with the guys and I really considered telling them that I could not move forward with them, cause I wanted to be there for M whenever she was ready to move forward. I knew she would want to but I did not know how long it would be, but I was willing to wait. Well after a long talk with my DH and agency we felt it would not be right for me to just drop them. I told M that I would do whatever she wanted and in turn she felt the same way the others did. I was amazed by he strength, courage. She wanted to move forward right away. Even though she was still reeling from her loss, her mind was still on her goal. To be a mom. She has shown me so much these past 8 months. I am indebted to her forever. She makes me want to be a better mom. I know that whenever she is blessed with a baby she is going to be the best damn mother on earth. After all she has been through, I know that baby will be truly blessed to have her as their mother.. M if you read this please know that I truly have felt your pain and joy these past 8 months and will continue to be there for you in any and every way I can possible be..The girls will always know you as Auntie M!!! I Love you

1 comment:

Waiting In Sunshine said...

Wow, thank you. I don't even have words...