Thursday, June 3, 2010

It's been a long time..

Since I have updated my blog. I have been through a lot since July 8th 2009 and it is quickly approaching my yr. anniversary since we transferred what is now a beautiful baby girl. I am so beyond elated that I have created a family. I just am really torn on what I want to do. I want to move on and help another wonderful couple but at the same time I want to wait for M&M so we can do our sibling project. I know they will not be ready till next year but my fear is that they will change their minds and push out the date further and I could have already begun on another journey. I had such great journey ( yes it had ups and downs but that is to be expected) that I really want to jump in again. I want to be pregnant again, I want to see and experience the looks/faces that I did with my IF's. Those are moments like with my own children's births I will NEVER forget. I am really thinking of talking with Dana just so I can get her opinion and maybe she can guide me in the right direction. I know that I will not jump in head first time I truly know that this is what I want and need.

It's funny cause I never really thought of being a surrogate as something that I would ever I LOVE the getting to know you process, learning about my IP's and who they are, what they are looking for, the type of parents they will ( God willing) be. Getting a contract, getting meds via the FedEx man, lol it was crazy cause the morning I got my meds the first time I was actually just looking out the window with anticipation. It was the same feeling I had as a young girl Christmas eve night, that waiting.. Then all the cycling stuff. You get soooo invested emotionally that you can't help but become attached to not only the baby you will carry but your Ip's as well. For me the attachment is directed WAY more towards my IF's. I can truly say that I miss the hell out of them. I miss them calling and emailing. yes we still talk but it is more limited, they are super busy dads of a wonderfully beautiful little girl. I look at her and I feel an immense sense of pride. I want that feeling again.... We shall see what the future holds.

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